Updates...

I know I have not been active on here for a while and I apologize for that. Things in real life have just shifted and I have no idea if it's for the best or not. Do you sometimes feel like something that someone else has to go through is your fault even though it has nothing to do with you? You could be guilty about something that happened months ago and blame yourself for what has been happening now to that other person. That's kinda where I am right now. You know my-ex boyfriend? The one I was with for 4 years then crap happened and he broke it off? Well, he might be becoming my boyfriend once again down the road. For the longest time I was certain he disliked me, wanted nothing to do with, and was content with his new girlfriend. However, one day while hanging with friends, I agreed that he could come along (maybe part of me wanted to see him again), and I found out that things have not changed since those years. We still care deeply for each other and now, things have seemed to change for the better between us. We've been talking out our feelings over and over and what happened from both our point of views. My feelings are somehow stronger than before, probably because I don't want to make the same mistake twice, so for now, we're just thankful we've become good friends again. We both have changed in the previous months, but it's been working out so far. However, he's gotten himself in a tight spot, a really bad situation that he was dragged into by some stupid b!tch that wants to get back at her ex (who happens to be my ex's room-mate in college). And to be honest, I almost feel like it's my fault, that all those months ago I could've prevented the break-up, I could've been there at college with him, and I could've helped him avoid this. It has not a thing to do with me, but it still feels like it. In any case, if I ever see that stupid girl walking down the street, I will take her down and not feel an ounce of regret, that is one person that does not deserve a second chance. 

In other news, I've been trying to get an equine internship for this summer. You would not believe how hard it is to get these barns to call and get back to you. They have applications to fill out, references to check, etc. It feels like it's all the same crap where I live when I was trying to get a job. Everyone's hiring but they all want experienced people. Well, how the hell can you be experienced if people don't teach you stuff?? Either way, fingers crossed about this summer. If not, I'll find a summer job by the ocean in some town in Maine. 

Hopefully things have been going better for everyone else! I'll keep updating and going through message and such, so hopefully I'll become more active again. Thanks